Yoga Hosers

It was back in the nineties when “Big Kev” (Kevin Smith) made his name with the smash hit Clerks. He took you to the mall and even made you cry with Chasing Amy. There are just few but Mr. Smith is still working to give us movies like Zack and Miri makes a Porno, may the odds forever be in your favor, while also giving us something that was disturbing as Tusk. Big Kev is the Fat man on Canada and he delivered to all of his followers the second installment of his Truth North Triology in Yoga Hosers starring Harley Quinn Smith and Lily-Rose Depp.

Summary

Set in the Great White North of Canada, YOGA HOSERS tells the story of Colleen Collette and Colleen McKenzie – two teenage besties from Winnipeg who spend their lives doing Yoga with their faces in their phones, ‘Liking’ or ‘Not Liking’ the real world around them. But when these Sophomore girls are invited to a Senior party by the school hottie, the Colleens accidentally uncover an ancient evil, long buried beneath the Manitoba earth.

Best Things

I will keep these next areas brief. One of the best things about the movie is the chemistry between Colleens. The funniest scene with Harley Quinn Smith is when the PE teacher took their phones and she fainted. The deadpan look of Lily Rose Depp is priceless as she delivered her line. Johnny Depp is actually better in this movie than he was Tusk. His performance as the Canadian Pink Panther is much more amusing. Finally, I call him “Mac” is awesome. Remember, the Mac vs PC commercials…this is from where I remember him. Mac is the Yoga instructor who is fighting over his name with different entities and it is outstanding.

Awful Things

Hmmmm…these were not that hard to pick out. I am happy for Mr. Kevin Smith enjoying his craft again but it just didn’t seem like he was even trying with the story. I know the story is outlandish but it would have been better to tie it up nicely. It was funny to have Nice Natzi Canadians but he could have tied in a series of missing girls and people that died to the two senior losers that were trying to kill the Colleens. it didn’t really connect to the main story and it just felt like a hodgepodge ideas of kevin smith that he thought was funny after indulging in some doobie snacks. The Natzi who wantd to be an artist was annoying. He learned English by watching netflix. His impressions were good though. Oh the instagram-ish intro screen for characters were really annoying. These were just some of issues with the problematic movie.

The story should had been thus: The Colleens work at the Quick Mart or whatever want to go to Senior party. The senior boys that the audience knows are linked to a couple of murders because they believe in the devil and they have been killing to try to bring back to life the Natzi doctor that came to Canada. Johnny Depp’s Pink Pather investigating the murders of the other “virgins” which connects him back with the Colleens. After the “virgin” seniors die, because the spell to reincarnate the Natzi goes wrong which the little sausage men kill them. After that the rest of the movie ensues.

Recommendations

I recommend the movie as a fan of Kevin Smith but a fan that grew up. I am happy to see him still working but Please KEVIN TRY HARDER. As a movie watcher, “If you have extra time or on a day you find yourself with nothing to do then give this movie a gander. The girls are fun when they are on screen. Johnny Depp is actually funny without being Jack Sparrow. The girls can actually hold a tune. Check out it out! Until next time! Keep Watching my friends!

Rating:[usr=3.5 of 5]

Caliph Knight

Caliph Knight is Founder of Krusade Entertainment. Using this company to pursue music, he also began to travel and a long with Jamese Newkirk co-founded Crossfire. He has been writing for a few years while also producing Podcasts since 2014.

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